My name is Jonathan and I've been going deaf ever since I was a teenager. Back in the nineties, I was doing all the teenager things, guessing at what my friends were saying on the regular.
As a boy, I played the violin. I stopped learning in high school - opting to read in silence instead.
A few years ago I had an ear examination, and learned the truth about myself: that I am hard-of-hearing. This is me in 2016:
At 0 near the top of the charts is regular hearing - similar in concept to 20/20 vision. However, no one continues to hear at that level since hearing degrades with age. The two charts above represent the right ear and the left ear. Each chart starts on the left with lower frequencies, to higher frequencies on the right. Profound hearing loss (when hearing aids are no longer effective) is marked by the 100db line on the chart. The X's and O's are tests using headphones (air transmission), which simulates the way people hear naturally. The brackets show bone conduction tests: a speaker is placed on the skull and vibrates into the scalp. The bone conduction test shows the ability of the nervous system to transmit auditory information to the brain while bypassing the eardrum.
From my chart, I have much better bone conduction than air conduction, which means that my nerves are working. My specific diagnosis is otosclerosis, where the 3 bones in the middle ear (stapes, malleus, and incus) are stuck together and don't pass on the vibrations into the inner ear/cochlea.
In 2022, I had an updated test:
I am at an air conductive hearing loss of 50 to 90db. I still have some hearing. I grew up in the hearing world, and music is one of the most influencial parts of my life.
As I came to accept this, passing back and forth through the stages of grief: from denial to anger, bargaining to depression, I promised to myself that everyday I need music in my life.
In Toronto, I sang in my choirs with the help of hearing aids and the care of my conductors and my fellow choristers.
But my true love is my fiddle. After not touching it for two decades, the fiddle is back in my hands. These are our journeys.
I have limited time, as do we all. I choose to make music everyday.